Someone you care about says, “You don’t listen to me.”
Before they finish, you have a list ready.
The calls you answered. The bills you paid. The times you helped.
You want them to know how much you have done.
That wish makes sense. Being misunderstood can hurt.
Still, they may be talking about a moment you have not heard yet.
Ask for it.
“Can you tell me about a time when you felt that way?”
Then let them finish.
You may hear something you remember differently. You may feel a strong urge to correct a detail.
For now, try to understand what they are saying.
“So when I checked my phone while you were talking, you felt like I wanted the conversation to end. Is that right?”
That question checks your understanding. It does not require you to accept every claim.
Once they answer, you can add your view.
“I was waiting for a work message. I can see why checking the phone felt dismissive. I should have explained.”
You still have a voice. You are making room for theirs, too.
Watch for one common habit: listening only until you find something you can argue with.
When you notice it, return to the question, “What am I being asked to understand?”
Some talks will need more than one attempt. Some people will struggle to listen in return. You can ask for the same space you gave.
“I want to understand your side. Then I’d like a chance to share mine.”
Respect can include both.
A question to sit with: What might you learn if your next conversation began with one more question and one less defense?
Your next step: In a safe, everyday conversation, let the other person finish. Say back what you heard and ask whether you got it right.
Book a GCX Clarity Call to explore how coaching could help you practice: [CLARITY CALL LINK]
0 Comments